how to use a shepherds whistle

I was searching for just such a thing and came across this and it amused me so much I had to share it.


HOW TO USE A SHEPHERD'S WHISTLE

I am a firm believer in putting the cart before the horse. I name puppies before they're conceived. I
train dogs to release on command before the dog has anything to be released from. And I'm learning to
use a shepherd's whistle before I step into the arena with my dog.

I'm well acquainted with handling dogs with whistles. With hunting dogs, we use good old Acme
Thunderer whistles. They're loud enough to scare away innocent bystanders for miles. You can't vary
the tone much with the Thunderers, so it's all in the whistle pattern. For example, with my Brittany a
short, sharp "PWEET!" means "get going." A quick "PWEET-PWEET!" means "Look back at me--I want
you to cast in a different direction." A long, steady "PWEEEEEEET!" means "Come back, we're packing it
in. Don't you ignore me! I KNOW you're not deaf--come back here!! HEY!"

But with a shepherd whistle, tone is everything. For example, "puh-WHEEE" means "Away." "Toot, toot,"
means "walk up." "Schlurrrgh" means "My whistle is full of spit."

For my fellow beginners, here's how to use a shepherd's whistle:
1) Place whistle in mouth and clench it between your teeth. Blow.
2) Take out the whistle and look at it really, really hard. Repeat step (1).
3) Pick whistle off ground. Place lanyard around neck and repeat step (1).
4) Rinse off whistle. Repeat step (1)
5) Get in car and drive far away from angry family.
6) Repeat step (1)
7) Wipe spit off steering wheel. Repeat step (1)
Look around triumphantly when you produce an ear-piercing "screeeeeeet"
9) Shout (in a fake Scottish accent), "Lie dooon! Lie dooon, dammya!"

Congratulations! You are now ready to compete in money trials at the Novice level.

By Judy Menown